Experience Over Failure

Experience Over Failure by Jenny Wendel

Like the reflection of your face on the water, looking back on the paths of the journey you’ve already forged can seem daunting or delightful depending on the lighting. I love the thought of sitting on a wooden front porch, paint peeling from wear and the warmth of the sun, in a rickety rocker staring out at sky and trees and reliving the memories of people and places that have left impressions on my soul. It is comforting, and the memories we made and those people we made them with should never be forgotten. 

However, the daunting fatigue of reflection comes when we reflect on past regrets. Failure. Places where we fell short. We all have them, but some people have moments that ended up much more “public” than others. We all have skeletons hiding in the closet of our minds that try to rattle themselves loose every once in a while when the nights are quiet and lonely. We ask ourselves questions: What was I thinking? Why didn’t I try something different? What would have happened if… 

All reflection has a time and place and can be for our benefit. Sentimentality towards people we have lost and the memories we made actually brings closure and helps us feel closer to a person, even after death. Remembering my grandmother’s hands making dumplings or my grandfather dancing in the living room make me feel close to them once again even after all these years without them. 

There is also benefit in reflecting on the things we regret. Growth only comes when we consider what should be done differently next time. This is not the kind of bombarding reflection where you bear the burdens of your soul over and over again with no progress toward growth and light, but instead the kind where you recognize your own healing, move towards a better tomorrow, and realize the areas of shortcoming that hopefully won’t be so short in the future. If we don’t reflect, we can’t grow. When one reflects on life, suddenly, when you least expect it,  clarity comes. Recently, I’ve been trying to erase the word failure from my vocabulary and replace it with experience. I experience all things. Some experiences are more pleasant than others, but my goal in life is to grow from every single one. So even when things do not go as planned, it isn’t failure because I learned what doesn’t work. When things come around again, I’ll realize that it was from a place of growth that I chose to move forward. 

I never failed. I only grew.