Stop Waiting and Start Saying YES!

I recently read an article by one of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist. She wrote about waiting and how it always seems like we are waiting for our next big moment or the next big season of life to happen when we will suddenly feel fulfilled and all of our dreams will come true. Then, we think when IT finally happens, we can sail through the rest of life in a beautiful sailboat feeling we have achieved. However, in her article, she combats that idea by saying she finally realized that the life, the one she was constantly hoping and reaching for, was actually happening all around her in the little moments of  the everyday. She writes that if we spend our whole life waiting for the BIG THING, we might miss it altogether because the BIG THING was actually a collection of all of the tiny unexpected moments. 

I can relate to this sentiment in a very real way. My realization came several years ago when I noticed how often I said no to things. I said no to dinner outings, lunch dates, or trips out of town because my ADHD brain would tell me how difficult it was going to be to rearrange my schedule or find a sitter or pack the luggage.  It was easier to pass and wait for another time when things might be easier. I have since realized that it doesn’t ever FEEL easy. People with neurodivergent brains, especially, experience this more frequently because EVERYTHING feels hard. I can’t really explain why, it just does.  I’m sure there is some research out there that can explain this better than I can, but it most likely has to do with the over functioning of our executive functioning skills. It is hard to begin tasks, see them through, and make a plan to completion from start to finish. Most neurodivergent people get bored in the process and either “save it for another day” or quit altogether. I’m working to understand myself and develop coping skills, but sometimes it is still hard to say yes to things I know will take a lot of mental energy. 

However, I had a big shift in my thinking when I observed a very good friend that came into my life about five years ago. She was one of the first people I met who said yes to almost everything. She didn’t think about all of the details she’d have to work out, she just said yes first, and she always seemed to make it happen. The more time I spent with her, I realized how full her life actually is from all of her tiny YES moments. She made it look easy, and I started to think, “If she can do it, so can I.” So, I started to slowly say yes. I realized it takes the same mental energy to think through the yes as it does to think through the no. I said yes to lunch dates and made them happen.  I said yes to a trip to Florida, just me and my Frenchie, Georgia June, to go see my sister. I said yes to stopping by Mom’s for a cup of coffee. I said yes to the playland at Burger King when the girls asked sweetly with their little smiles. I said yes to making what the husband wanted for dinner even though it would take an extra hour of cooking and cleaning up. I said yes to taking the girls to the movies. I said yes to running by Scooter’s with the kids on a Friday afternoon for a treat to celebrate making it through another week of school.  

You get the picture. 

What happened as a result of those yes moments surprised me. It didn’t really take much more time out of my schedule to say yes and do the tiny thing, and the emotional and mental health rewards from saying yes SKYROCKETED. I felt happier when I slowed down for those few minutes and watched the kids run around the Burger King play land giggling. I could have said no and went home, and we would have followed our normal routine and had a nice evening. Instead, I heard giggles and squeals, and I saw their happy faces as we took a break from our normal routine. Guess what? We still made it home to make dinner. I could have said no to the trip to Florida because that was a long drive to make alone, and I could have allowed a million what-ifs to flood my thoughts. But I said yes, and I made it there safely, took a helicopter ride, ate frozen fruit, my sister and I painted portraits of each other, and the one she painted of me is now hanging in my studio office for the rest of history.  I spent days being lazy by the pool and relaxing on her screened in back porch with the Florida breeze wafting my hair and her water feature making beautiful trickling sounds. Those memories will stay with me forever.  

I’m realizing that there isn’t one single time I regretted accepting an invitation. I love coffee dates with Ellen. I love impromptu breakfasts with Faith. I love watching the girls giggle and squeal at an unexpected park date on a random Tuesday afternoon. The coffee with mom on the random mornings she asks me to stop by will be something I cherish forever. My husband eating up that Asian food that took an extra hour to cook actually brought me joy. 

So, stop waiting for your next big moment that you think will change your life. 

The tiny moments that are all around you become the BIG moments. 

Those moments are your life. 

Get out the good china on a Monday night. 

Drink from your favorite mug. 

Wear that new cute shirt to the car line pick up.

Start saying YES! 

I doubt you'll regret it.