What Anxiety Was Trying to Teach Me All Along

I never thought freedom from anxiety was possible.

I didn't want to be anxious, but I felt like I was constantly racing the clock, trying to make sure everything was taken care of for my family.

I lived much of my life as an anxious person. Most of my waking moments were spent worrying about what I was responsible for next: dinner plans, what time one of the kids needed to be somewhere, the details of upcoming events, the laundry, whether the floors needed mopping, and even whether it was trash day.

You get the picture.

When I worked outside the home as a teacher and school counselor, I carried those responsibilities all day. Then on the drive home, I switched hats and became mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.

Somewhere along the way, I became a glorified task-completer with anxiety and acid reflux surviving on cheese sticks and caffeinated beverages, but I was no longer fully living.

Has it ever helped anyone to be told to “Stop being so anxious”? 

The answer to that question is no. Anxiety isn’t something you can just “stop doing.” 

I believe mental health matters deeply. I went to therapy, tried medication, practiced breathing exercises, and filled journals with my thoughts.

Those things helped temporarily. 

But if I'm being honest, the anxiety never completely went away.

What actually helped my anxiety the most was digging a little deeper.

As I worked on my relationship with God, I began asking myself questions about my anxiety.

What was it rooted in?

Did it come from fear?

What was I afraid would happen?

As I paid attention, thoughts like these surfaced:

What if I forget something important and my kids don't appear as cared for as everyone else's and my daughter looks at me with that disappointed look? You know the one.

What if I don't plan well enough and the entire evening falls apart because we don't know what's for dinner or someone misses practice?

What if my husband and kids don't think I'm doing a good enough job?

What if I’m giving more to my job than I’m giving to my family?

But then I dug even deeper.

Those were the anxious thoughts on the surface, but there was something underneath them.

If I believe God is who He says He is—powerful, present, sovereign, and already standing in every tomorrow—am I really trusting Him with my life?

Is it possible that I'm exhausted and anxious because I'm trying to control things that were never mine to control?

And the question that was hardest to face:

Are my anxious thoughts actually revealing that I trust my own striving and planning more than I trust God’s ability to handle my life?

What if anxiety isn’t just something to eliminate? What if it’s trying to reveal something that needs healing?

Surrendering control was incredibly difficult for me.

But when I started slowly letting go, something changed.

I discovered that peace wasn't found in having everything under control. 

Peace was found in placing everything in God's hands and leaving it there.

Philippians 4:6–7 says:

"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

I started to realize that I didn’t need to have one more conversation to try and get things right. 

I didn’t need to exhaust myself explaining to feel more understood. 

I could just talk to God about it and let Him slowly show me the next step I needed to take. 

And yes, as crazy as it sounds, it even applies to dinner plans. 

I stopped feeling the need to perform and do everything for perfect social media posts or Pinterest-perfect boards. 

I started asking myself real questions like: 

What is your energy level right now? 

What could nourish our bodies for dinner without exhausting me tonight?

Instead of racing here and there frantically, I started noticing ways to make the transportation easier and stay in one place, using the down time to roll down the windows and listen to worship music or quietly read a book instead of racing to complete another task. 

There is something to be said for the way a moment can refuel you when you stop filling every possible minute of your life with productivity. 

What if it actually is doing you more good to sit and let your body and brain rest for 15 minutes instead of filling that time with more scrolling or running another quick errand to have something to mark off the list?

Maybe we need to ask ourselves why we feel like we need to be productive 100% of all of our hours in the day.

As I began praying before bed, praying while driving, praying whenever worry entered my mind, and intentionally handing things over to the Lord, I experienced a peace I had never known before.

My circumstances didn't always change.

But I did.

That peace made me more present.

Instead of obsessing over details and perfection, I started looking around.

I listened to my children laugh.

I stopped what I was doing and really looked at the artwork they wanted to show me.

I stood quietly in the kitchen and watched my family talking and laughing together.

I walked down the driveway after dinner and noticed the sunset and the warm summer breeze.

I looked up at the morning sky while letting the dog out and whispered, "Lord, I'm available today. Use me however You want."

And somewhere along the way, the anxiety began to loosen its grip.

Not overnight.
Not all at once.

But little by little, I realized this could become a way of life.

I don't have to rush.

I don't have to carry everything.

I don't have to control every outcome.

I can place my life in the hands of God and trust Him with what comes next.

And then, I can simply live.

I won’t tell you I’ve never felt anxious again. 

But I can tell you that anxiety no longer runs my life. 

Trust has slowly taken its place.